(You can measure your boob size by comparing them to fruit Katy Perry allegedly has C-cups, or, grapefruits.) This list is an exercise in horny anthropology, an attempt to establish the 2000s Horny Culture canon - the good, the (mostly) bad, and the absurd. The following list is a taxonomy of the aughts’ horniest pop-culture moments, forgotten formative memories, the Cosmo tips that are forever burned into our brains. The bygone era, which for the purpose of this list will be referred to as Horny Culture, was tainted by exploitation, and it’s worth exploring how we got there and how we got out. Everyone can have their own personalized, algorithmically curated e-stash. As porn and porn-adjacent content became available at the tap of a touchscreen (Pornhub launched in 2007, Instagram in 2010), sex bled into pop culture with less frequency. It was a slow death, brought forth in part by the internet’s tightening grip on our personal lives and the media’s recognition of women as … people. The decline of early-aughts horny culture can be attributed to a few main developments. Both shows employ intimacy coordinators, whom directors routinely bring in to protect actors “ doing hyper-exposed work.” Euphoria takes the opposite approach with flashy soft-core cinema, Skinemax with an HBO budget.
Shows like Normal People are lauded for their “realistic” sex scenes - slow to start, sometimes nervous, and free from cinematic orgasms. Sex still sells, of course, but it’s packaged in self-awareness, layered with years of internet discourse about consent and kink and modern intimacy. Think: Axe commercials where women want to have sex with you at the grocery store, buddy comedies about taking a road trip to lose your virginity, Maxim covers teasing a list of the best outdoor gear with the tagline “ Spank Mother Nature!” Women sported low-rise pants and high-rise thongs, and men wore trucker hats that suggested careers in adult film. The sheer horniness of the aughts was unique from other eras in its total lack of subtlety, distinctly raunchy in a way that has fallen out of vogue. One of the aliens placed a small cylindrical device at his mouth, and began trying to insert it.Photo-Illustration: by Vulture Photos by Warner Bros, Kevin Kane/WireImage, K Wright/New Line/Kobal/Shutterstock, Moviestore/Shutterstock and Summit Entertainmentĭuring the 2000s, pop culture’s depictions of sex tended toward goofy, as if Hollywood had been run by teenage boys with cartoon eyes popping out of their skulls and mile-long tongues hanging out of their mouths. It was only about a half inch in diameter, but he still resisted. Insistent fingers began pulling his lips apart, clicking the device against his teeth. He gave up, knowing that eventually they would f orce it in. It was pushed in until it reached the back of his throat. It pushed further, making him gag, but after it stopped moving, he got used to it. He felt a slight sensation as something else emerged from the device and slid down his esophagus toward his stomach. They were apparently probing him, maybe with a camera, as he could see out of the corner of his eye a screen with a moving picture of what he imagined a camera would see if it went down a throat. He watched as best as he could, seeing how the picture changed as the camera reached his stomach. They looked around for a while, then withdrew it. Then he felt something wet and slick applied to his asshole. He flinched as something else warm touched him there, knowing what was coming next. Yes, it was being eased past his sphincter, the same device. He felt it slide in about 2 or 3 inches, resting bluntly against his prostate. A brief sensation of motion was all he felt, but he knew the camera was sneaking a peek at his intestines. But as they continued the probe, they had to constantly re-position the sheath. This wasn't a straight-shot tube like the throat, but a winding trail. With each adjustment, the sheath nudged his prostate. And his dick began responding involuntarily. And this cause/effect was not missed by the tallest alien. It whispered something, and the alien controlling the camera stepped aside as the big one took control. It no longer seemed to care about the view-screen. It was watching with all eight eyes the growing flesh of David's cock.